


Counting Off the Days

by Dellessa



Series: Caught in the Moment [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 12:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11313630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dellessa/pseuds/Dellessa
Summary: Kent was hanging out by the window and watched the moving truck pull up to the curb. The air was still crisp, as if winter was still lingering on the edges and waiting to insert itself again. Kent didn’t mind the cold. He never did. He watched the tall, gangly boy hop out of the cab and shoulder a heavy-looking equipment bag. It was a blue and black Bauer bag, nearly identical to the one that was sprawled on Kent’s own floor. His lips curled into a grin.“Do you need any help?” he shouted down.“Yes, come down,” the dark haired boy yelled up.





	Counting Off the Days

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally meant for Kent's Birthday Bash. Well, that did not happen. 
> 
> In any case, it is in part a fill of this prompt:  
> http://holdupwethisboy.tumblr.com/post/158139406474/someone-please-write-this-for-me-tater-and-his

Buffalo, New York. May 10, 2007.

Kent was hanging out by the window and watched the moving truck pull up to the curb. The air was still crisp, as if winter was still lingering on the edges and waiting to insert itself again. Kent didn’t mind the cold. He never did. He watched the tall, gangly boy hop out of the cab and shoulder a heavy-looking equipment bag. It was a blue and black Bauer bag, nearly identical to the one that was sprawled on Kent’s own floor. His lips curled into a grin. 

“Do you need any help?” he shouted down.

“Yes, come down,” the dark haired boy yelled up.

Kent jogged down three flights of stairs and finally found his way outside the large, brick building he had lived in most of his life. 

“Hi,” he said tentatively. “I’m Kent.” 

“Alexei,” the boy offered. His grin was big and goofy. It made Kent’s heart do little flip-flops in his chest. He had dark hair, and equally dark eyes that sparkled merrily when he smiled. Ugh. 

“You play hockey?” he asked later as they walked back down the stairs (three flights of creaky stairs) to grab another round of boxes. 

“Yes! Drafted by Erie Otters in April. Very excited for season to start. Talked to billet family already. Very nice. Very happy to have me.” He flashed that smile again that made butterflies stir in Kent’s chest. 

“Oh, wow. Lucky. I’m a prospect for the Q draft, but that isn’t until June. I’m super nervous. Maybe no one will want me. I’m small.” His shoulders hunched. He couldn't fuck that up. His mother worked two jobs to keep him and his sister in hockey equipment. There was so much riding on him getting into a good team and making it to a higher level. He needed to pay her back. “Do your sisters play too?”

“Other reason we move here. Close enough to Sacred Heart. They attending for Hockey program. All very good. Mama new job close too. All very good.” 

“Sounds good. Uh… what does your mother do?” Kent asked, feeling nosey, but not feeling too bad about it at all. He didn’t know why but he found himself drawn to this boy. The pull was constant and not entirely deniable, like two magnets. 

“Graphic design. She draw things. Very good at it. Good job. Is hard. Had to leave home. Not welcome, ‘cause Mama... not only Mama.” His lip quivered. “P-probably shouldn’t say. Maybe make you uncomfortable.” He squinted at Kent as if trying to decide. “Some people not so nice.” 

“Oh, no. T-that is cool.” Kent placed the box he had been carrying down onto the pile they had made and let Alexei pull him through the apartment. It was bigger than the one Kent lived in, four bedrooms. Alexei dragged him into the last. It already had a fresh coat of blue paint on the walls and empty shelves waiting to be filled. 

“You’re thinking so? Really?” He sounded so earnest it made Kent’s chest hurt.

“Yeah. I mean, we just met but I’d really like to be your friend.” 

“I’d like to be friend too.” He shrugged his shoulders. “My матушка was killed. So, we left, and then we go to consulate, and then other place, and then they put us on plane, and we stay in place with nice family for a while. Very complicated. Very scary. Then Mama get everything fixed and get job, and we come here.” He squinted. “Well, other things happen in between. Draft and searching for sisters’ school. So much.” Alexei threw his hands wide. “Maybe not good adventure though. Miss матушка.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“She not want us be sad though. Always happy. Always smile. Mama loved her so much.” 

_“Alyosha! You talking that boy’s ear off?”_ Anya Mashkova yelled.

“No Mama! Maybe little bit.” Alexei grinned at Kent. “You stay for dinner? Mama say we order pizza. Like camp out tonight. Furniture not come ‘til tomorrow.” He wrinkled his nose, looking less than thrilled with the prospect. 

“Sure, if you don’t mind,” Kent said. He pulled his phone out. 

__  
Kent: Care if I eat ovr @ friends?  
Mom: No. Who?  
Kent: Alexei. Jst mvd in. Eatng Pizza! Cn he sty ovr?  
Mom: I don’t care. Be good.  
Kent: Alwys <3 

“Well?” 

“I can stay,” Kent grinned. “Ah... um... you want to stay over at my house later? Since you don’t have furniture. My mother said it’s okay.” 

“I’m ask Mama, but probably yes!” Alexei gave him a silly grin. “I think we be best friends, Kent. Best.” 

“I think so, too,” Kent said shyly. He didn’t really have friends outside of the team. Like his sister, he had played for the Buffalo Bisons. They had been like a family to him for years, but he would be leaving after the draft. It made him feel uneasy and downright scared. 

He knew he was a bit flighty and nervous. People outside of his teammates found him odd, and he was not altogether convinced any of the teams that had approached his mother would really want him. 

He wasn’t exactly a traditional hockey player. He was over a head shorter than all of the other guys on his team. He was fast, though, and his coach said he had the softest hands. He was their league’s leading scorer, but maybe that wasn’t enough. 

And there were other things. Stuff that left him feeling uncomfortable. The heat that curled low in his belly when he looked at Alexei. There had been other boys on his team, but he had wisely kept it to himself. He had never felt like that about a girl, and it left him trembling in terror some nights. 

“Good, good,” Alexei said. “Very good.” 

They finished carrying up the boxes and sat in the living room in a little circle. Alexei’s mother and sisters looked like him. They all had dark hair, and wide brown eyes. They smiled a lot, and the girls chattered in Russian around them. They were around the same age as Kent’s own sister, Jennifer, and very pretty. He could tell that much, but none of them drew his eye. No girl ever did.

“You play hockey, Kent?” Mama Mashkova asked. 

“Yeah. I do. I played with the Bisons. And now I’m just… ah… waiting on the draft in June. The Q draft.”

“Very good luck to you.” She smiled kindly. 

“Thanks. I- ah, appreciate it.” He ate his pizza. He didn’t get to eat pizza much. Not really. 

They finished in companionable silence. Alexei grabbed a bag full of clothes, and they made it over to Kent’s apartment. It was quiet and empty when they arrived. Jennifer had left a note on the table. She was staying over at a friend’s. His mother would be working for hours, still. 

Kent and Alexei lounged in the living room, sitting side by side on the loveseat. They watched Ancient Aliens, mostly because it was on and it made Alexei laugh. Kent decided that was the best sound and he wouldn’t mind hearing it all the time. He hugged a pillow to his chest, more to keep his hands occupied than anything else. 

Their shoulders bumped together, and it felt as though the had known each other for years, not merely an afternoon. “Do you need help unpacking tomorrow?” Kent asked, and tried not to look too hopeful. 

Alexei just grinned. “Would like help. Maybe you show me around too? Maybe we go to park and skate? You have in-lines? Play hockey at park? Or maybe rink? Whichever. Would like very much.” 

“Oh, yeah. I do. That would be fun. I-I’d be really happy to show you around.” Kent felt himself flush and looked away, otherwise he was going to make a fool out of himself. He might anyway. The warmth in his stomach grew, if anything. 

“Very fun. Am think I like you very much, Kenny. Very much.” 

They sat watching television for a few more hours until Kent’s mom finally came home. 

Julia Parson was as blond as Kent and taller than he was by a good five inches. “Hello, Kenny. Have you seen Jen?” 

“She left a note on the table. Uh… this is Alexei. They live on this floor too. They just moved in. He plays hockey too,” Kent said in a nervous rush.

“Nice to meet you, Alexei. Welcome to the neighborhood.” 

“Is good to be here. Nice to meet you.” Alexei nearly vibrated with excitement at the prospect of meeting (more) new people. “Very good.” 

“Are you boys hungry? I can fix you some dinner.” She leaned against the kitchen island, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“We had pizza a couple of hours ago,” Kent said. 

“Yes, but are you hungry?” She pressed. “I know you, sweetie. You graze.” 

“Yeah, maybe a little bit,” Kent admitted. 

“I’ll fix some stir-fry. Come help! You too Alexei.” 

Alexei hopped up (nearly bubbling over with excitement) and pulled Kent into the kitchen. “We help? Really? Am love to cook. Is best. Nearly best. Hockey better, but second best. What we make?” 

She laughed. “I like your enthusiasm, young man. Very much. How about you and Kenny chop up the vegetables for me?” 

“Sure, mom.” Kent grabbed the carrots and bok choy from the refrigerator, and two cutting boards. “You know how to cut up vegetables?” 

“Maybe you show me? Mama not let me help much. She say I’m all fingers. No. That’s not right. Maybe clumsy and I cut off fingers. Something like that.” 

Kent blinked at him. “Okay. Wow. Please don’t cut off your fingers.” 

Alexei snickered. “Not do on purpose. Need them.” 

“Yeah, no fucking shit.” 

“Kenneth Victor Parson, language!” Mrs. Parson said in exasperation.

“Sorry, Mom,” Kent said, and rolled his eyes. “Sure, whatever.” 

Kent showed Alexei how to hold his fingers and the knife, and demonstrated how to cut the carrots into thin strips. Then, he passed the bok choy over to him to cut up. 

Alexei cut slowly and carefully, dramatically, his tongue sticking out of one side of his mouth in a way that had Kent snickering. 

“What in the hell are you doing?”

“Cutting up things. See. Cut. Cut. Cut! All the stir-fry!” 

“You’re ridiculous,” Kent said, but he couldn't help but smile. 

Alexei grew more confident as they worked their way through the vegetables to go into the stir-fry. Kent cut up the mushrooms and the water chestnuts, and Alexei cut up the cabbage and the onions. Kent's mother added it all into the pan after the chicken was cooked through. 

Kent’s mother gave them each a heaping plate, and Kent steered Alexei to the small dining room. “We always eat at the table. Mom thinks it ‘induces togetherness’.” 

“Encourages togetherness, Kenny,” Kent’s mother said.

“That’s what I said!” 

“Not really,” Alexei said. “Not even close.” 

“Oh, so you’re going to chirp me now?” Kent said, but his smile took the bite out of the words. 

“Everyone ‘chirps’ you, Kenny dear.” Kent’s mother grinned down at her food once the words left her mouth. 

“Ugh, mom. You’re so mean.” 

Julia Parson laughed. “My boy. Look at him.” 

“He is good boy,” Alexei said. 

“Yes, he is,” Julia agreed. “So very much. I’m so proud of him. Have him show you his tapes. He’s so good.” 

“Ugh, mom, stop. Seriously. You’re so embarrassing.” 

“No, just really proud.” 

Kent rolled his eyes and tucked into his food hoping to escape as quickly as he could. “Come on, Alexei. Want to play CoD?” 

“If you want, Kent. Sure. Is good.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. May 11, 2007.

They woke up early the next morning and headed to the park. It was within walking distance from the apartment building. Alexei headed back to his apartment to dig out his skates and pads before they headed out. 

They walked slowly to the outdoor roller rink, past the towering brick apartment buildings, bumping shoulders amicably. Dew settled on the grass growing from the cracks in the sidewalk, and soaked through Kent’s Chucks as he walked by. 

“You worried about living away from home?” Kent asked. 

“Little bit. Worth it though. Hopefully good hockey. Excited to play for Otters. Hope to get drafted. Hope so much. All ever wanted to do. When little thought maybe play for Junior League and KHL for for years, maybe get noticed and go to NHL. Better chance here. Much better. Plus won’t have to worry about all paperwork if citizen. Want that. Want it very much.” Alexei threw his arms out excitedly. “Good things, yes?” 

“Oh. Yeah. You miss Russia?” Kent asked. He squinted at Alexei. He was terrified of leaving home, of being rejected, but that wasn’t something that he was willing to admit. Not in a million years, and not to this boy. 

“Some. Very much in some ways. Other, not so much. They don’t like people like my mother. Or... or me.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Hope you not mind.” 

“Like you? Oh... ah... you mean you don’t like girls? Or something else?” 

“I like boys. If you have a problem--” Alexei’s voice grew sharp. 

“No. I don’t have a problem. I mean--I--ah--I--” Alexei watched as Kent’s shoulders hunched and he looked like he was going to fend off a hit. “I mean, no. I d-don’t have a problem.” 

“Oh.” 

“I-it’s none of my business. I mean--it doesn't affect the way you play. Right?” Kent watched him and wrung his hands together. His heart was thumping in his chest. What were the chances? 

Alexei snorted. “Shouldn’t matter. None of their business. Good hockey is good hockey.” 

Kent managed to smile at that. “Yeah. You’re right, I guess.” 

“Am always right. Am best. You see. Very best. I go to NHL. I meet other Russians. Malkin and Ovechkin. They are best.” Alexei grinned, and then grinned more widely when Kent returned his smile. “You also best. I feel that. Bet you very fast. Move so fast no one checks you.” 

They made it to the park’s edge and walked across the grass clearing towards the rink. It was early enough in the morning that it was deserted. The air was cool, the fog not burned away by the rising of the sun yet. 

“On a good day,” Kent said. “Don’t think I’m ever going to fucking grow. I’ve been this height since middle school. I wish I was freaking kidding. My mother is taller than me, and my sister.” He watched Alexei through downcast eyes. He wished he was good enough to deserve a boy like that, but no one like Alexei could ever like him, let alone love him. 

“I’m notice.” Alexei laughed. “Not matter though. Not everyone tall, strong Russian like me.” He raised his arms dramatically. 

“You’re an ass.” 

Alexei laughed harder, and was still laughing when they found a bench to put their skates on. “Maybe. Maybe takes one to know one.” 

Kent squinted at him. “Too soon, man. We barely met and you’re already getting mouthy.” 

“Part of charm. We become best friend, and we end up play together in NHL. My master plan.” Alexei poked Kent in the side.

Kent couldn’t quite smile at that. He didn’t think he would mind that at all, but it was altogether unlikely. “You know. I’ve not known you more than a day, but I really like you. Like... um... I like you.” He bit his lip and regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. 

Alexei watched him. “I’m like you, too. Cute.” 

Kent bumped against him. “Fuck, don’t say that.” 

“Is true. Tiny, cute, blushing Kenny.” Alexei slung his arm around Kent’s shoulder. “Shame we not drafted together, could be roommates on roadies.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Kent’s cheeks turned a bright red. “Shut up.” 

“Not kidding though. Very cute. Very sweet. Very helpful. Best friend here.” 

“I’m your only friend here,” Kent whispered. 

“Maybe, but still best. Maybe I kiss you later. You like that, I think.”

“I’m not. Stop it. You don’t--” Kent rolled his eyes and skated away. He tried to be flippant about it, but his heart was pounding in his chest. He wanted that. He wanted it so badly. He also knew how bad of an idea that was. He couldn't afford this.

Alexei skated after him, moving a lot faster than Kent would have expected for his size. He had a grace that he didn’t have when just walking around, his movements fluid and clean. Kent could watch him all day. He flushed again and hoped Alexei didn’t notice.

“Wow, you’re a lot faster than I would expect.” Kent skated backwards, eyes fixed on Alexei. He hit the wall marking off the rink hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs and sputtered for a moment. “Fuck.” 

Alexei caught him before he could skate away. He stole a kiss and then sprinted away, leaving a trail of laughter behind. 

Kent wiped at his mouth, too stunned to even move for a moment. Alexei skated backwards and watched as Kent touched his own mouth and stared. Kent almost expected him to run away, but he shook it off and started to skate after Alexei. He tried his best to look cool, but inside his heart felt like it was pounding outside of his chest. No one could know. He already had his height going against him. He was going to have a hard enough time getting drafted, without people knowing he was gay as well. 

He caught him, sending them both tumbling to the ground. “Hey,” Kent said as he hovered above Alexei. “Don’t fucking do that. It’s not fucking funny.” 

“Hey,” Alexei replied. “Just joke. Sorry.”

“No. It was--I’ve never--I’m not. Um--I’ve never had someone kiss--just--fuck.” 

“Am shocked. Very shocked. Cute Kenny should have all kisses.” He laughed, and Kent flushed with humiliation this time. 

“Fuck you, Alexei. There is nothing funny about it. You shouldn't. You just shouldn’t tease,” he finished in a whisper. “And you shouldn't fucking do that here.” Kent’s chest hurt so bad. It ached. It wasn’t fair. 

“I’m being very sorry, Kent. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“It’s fine.” Kent scrambled away from him. “It’s just--it’s--whatever.” 

Alexei squinted at him. “You sure I’m not bother you?” 

“You’re fine,” Kent whispered. His heart clenched in his chest. He didn’t want Alexei to leave, even though that would be happening all too soon. Erie was so far away. “It’s fine.” 

Kent climbed off of him, and offered his hand. 

Alexei climbed to his feet and they skated more sedately this time. “Sure you're not being bothered by--you know?”

Kent wrung his hands together. He felt terrified. He wanted to tell Alexei, but he just knew that would end badly. 

Alexei shifted from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. “Maybe shouldn't have said anything. I’m sorry. Never meant to make you uncomfortable.” 

“I want to. I mean I want to be your friend,” Kent mumbled. “I really do. I like you. I think maybe I like you a lot.” He bit his lip hard, and tasted blood. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Alexei, but he bit it back. He could never have good things. Well, good things that weren’t hockey.

“I’m understand. Sorry.” 

“There is nothing to be sorry about,” Kent said. “Really. Nothing.” 

Alexei opened his mouth to say something but just nodded. “Okay.” 

“Yeah. It’s all good,” Kent said and tried to make himself smile. “Promise.” 

“Is fine. Maybe we go back now?” 

“Okay,” Kent mumbled. It hurt and he wasn’t even sure why. 

“You come over for supper?” 

“If you want me too,” Kent offered. 

Alexei thought about it. “Yeah Kenny. I do.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. May 12, 2007.

Alexei climbed out onto the fire escape. The night was never quite dark here, which was something he couldn't quite adjust to. The light was a sickly yellow and drowned out the stars completely. He picked his way down the metal platform, finally stopping at Kent’s window. He knocked on it lightly, and then harder. 

Kent finally came to the window. He looked sleep rumpled, his hair standing on end, and only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms. “What the fuck, Alexei.” 

“Come up to the roof.” 

“Really?” Kent shook his head. “Fuck. Give me a second.” He grabbed a shirt off of the pile on the floor and pulled on a pair of shoes, before he climbed out onto the fire escape.

“Yes, really!” They climbed up the stairs to the roof, and sat on the edge. The breeze ruffled through their hair. “It’s nice up here.” Alexei looked out at the city. It was nothing like Russia. Nothing like the small apartments he had lived in in Moscow and Rostov-on-Don, which had been small and cramped. “We move around a lot when I was small. This is very different.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. Our apartment now, so big. In Moscow, the apartment so small. We were very poor. Most of the time. Sometimes not so much. Moved lots though. Place to place. Skating only thing remained the same.” Alexei moved his hands as he spoke, spreading them out wide.

“That fucking sucks. I mean, that you had to move.” Kent looked down, rubbing his nail against the rough cement. “It really fucking sucks.”

“Is fine. I’m like it here.” Alexei kicked out his feet, making a staccato sound against the wall. “I’m like it here a lot.” 

“I do too,” Kent said. 

Alexei looked over to him and sucked in a breath. Even under the sickly, yellow lights, Kent looked like an angel.

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. May 15, 2007.

“Is so hot out,” Alexei groaned and flopped down dramatically on the hallway floor. “Is midnight. How so hot? Too hot to go to roof, Kenny!” 

“God, you’re so whiny.” Kent flopped down beside him. 

“Not whiny. Kent. Is truth. So hot outside. Too hot to live.” He didn’t get up when Kent nudged him with his elbow. He just rolled over and picked at the carpet. 

“You know people walk all over this. It’s so dirty. Plus, your mom is going to be pissed.” 

Alexei sat up. “I’m know! Let’s go to the pool!” 

“It’s closed, Alexei.” 

“So. We climb fence. Please, Kenyushka.” Alexei gave him the most persuasive look he could muster, complete with wiggling eyebrows. 

“Fuck. Fine. Whatever. If we get caught, I’m going to be so pissed.” Kent huffed, and then scowled when Alexei did a little fist pump. 

“Thank you, Kent. Come, come. Let’s go.” Alexei jumped up and down excitedly until Kent got up too. They snuck out of the building and walked down the dark street. 

“We’re going to get caught. I know it.” 

They didn’t, though. They made it through the shadow soaked park and over the fence surrounding the pool. 

Kent stripped, leaving a piled of clothes on the side of the pool before jumping in. Alexei laughed and did the same.

They floated in the moon cast pool. The water rippled with the breeze. 

“Easily the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever done,” Kent grumbled. 

“Is nice though,” Alexei said as he floated by, skin pale until the dim light. “Perfect night for swimming.” He watched Kent float closer and reached out to touch his arm. “Thank you.” 

“No. Thank you. This is nice.” Kent looked over at him, his eyes dark and unreadable. “Really. Just thank you.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. May 20, 2007.

They had become inseparable. They ate breakfast together, at Alexei’s house more often than not. Mama Mashkova would set a place for him in the morning. They would eat after their morning run and then head out to the park to skate or go swimming. 

“Swimming today?” Kent asked as he dug into the eggs on his plate. 

“Is best idea, Kenny. So hot out.” 

“You boys be good, yes?” Alexei’s mother said. 

“Always,” Kent promised as they cleaned up their plates and headed out.

“I wish we could have been drafted together,” Kent said as they started their walk to the pool. He shrugged his shoulders and looked away from Alexei. Feelings were so fucking stupid. They didn’t talk about the kiss. It was like it had never happened. 

“Not gone yet,” Alexei laughed. “Besides we write. See each other on holidays. Will work out. Don’t want to lose best friend.”

Kent nodded. He hoped so. He felt like he was falling fast. It was worrisome, and scary, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. “Yeah, I don’t want to lose you either,” Kent said as Alexei grabbed his arm and dragged him down the road towards the park. “Maybe we’ll get drafted together. I’d really love to be on a team with you.” 

“Just as teammate?” Alexei teased. 

“Never just a teammate,” Kent said and rolled his eyes. “My best friend.” 

Alexei grinned stupidly. “I’m protect tiny little winger.” 

Kent laughed. “Come on, lazybones. Let’s go. I’ll race you.” Kent was off running before Alexei had a chance to even blink. 

“Cheater!” Alexei yelled.

Kent laughed loudly and kept running. “Slow poke!” 

“SLOW POKE!? Am not! Lies, Kent!” 

Kent laughed and ran faster, making it to the pool’s check-in before Alexei and paying the entrance fee. 

“Worst friend,” Alexei grumbled as he followed Kent through the locker room. They stowed their belongings, slathered on sunscreen, and headed out to the water. Kent ran across the deck, jumping in with a yell. 

Alexei followed soon after, a stupid grin on his face when he surfaced. 

He swam over, dunking Kent underwater, leaving them both sputtering. 

“Kent! You look like drowned rat.” 

“You ass, I don't.” Kent dunked Alexei. 

It continued on until they both grew bored and began to swim laps. Kent always liked the mindlessness of it, his own form of meditation. His muscles and lungs burned by the time he finally stopped, and he rested against the side of the pool. 

“You come to dinner tonight? Stay over maybe?” Alexei asked. They both bobbed along the side of the pool once Alexei had finished his own laps.

“If you want me to.” 

“Always want you to, no question.” 

“I know. I--well, me too,” Kent said, his eyes darting to make sure no one was close enough to hear their conversation. “I want whatever you can give me.” He bit at his lip, knowing how desperate that sounded. He wished that Alexei would kiss him and mean it. He wished a boy as perfect as Alexei could really fall for him. 

“We get drafted together,” Alexei declared. “You see. Is fate.” 

Kent’s cheeks flushed red. “Alexei.” 

“Is being truth. You see. Will be great.” 

“That probably won’t happen.” 

“Maybe. Maybe not. If not, trades happen...” 

Kent’s heart pounded in his chest. “Just don’t get your hopes too high.” 

Alexei patted Kent’s back. “Oh, yeah. I’m try not. Buuuuut... I’m know I’m right.” 

Kent ducked his head. “You’re impossible.” 

Alexei laughed. “Nope. I’m good. Best. You see. I’m right about this. We play together, and win.” 

“Impossible!,” Kent said slowly. “Granted, it’s not a bad thing at all.” His cheeks felt warm, and something curled up in his chest, content. “I’d like that a lot. I don’t think it would happen, but I’d like it.” 

“Good,” Alexei grinned. “Glad we are on same page.” 

“God, I’m glad too.” 

“Same page is good page,” Alexei said brightly. 

But they weren’t at all. Kent swallowed the lump in his throat feeling his, feeling ill at ease. “Yeah.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. May 30, 2007.

Kent skated backwards and watched Alexei’s face as he worked the puck across the ice. His stick handling was nothing short of amazing. “Fuck, you're good at that,” Kent laughed, and effortlessly caught the puck when Alexei sent it skittering over the ice to him. “Why are you a d-man again? You’d be a good center, Alexei. You’ve got the speed and the soft hands.” 

“I like being a d-man,” Alexei shrugged. “Is good position.” 

“It is, I guess. Works for you. We’d be good on the same line. I mean, I really think so. I’d love you to be my center.” 

“Sad going to different leagues. Wish you an Otter too.” 

“I just wish I knew where I was going,” Kent said. “Maybe I’ll be close.” 

“I’m hope so, but there is no team really close to Erie.” 

Kent deflated. “Yeah. I know. I’m going to miss you so much.” 

“We still write. Will be fun. You see.” Alexei patted him on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, right. I’m sure.” Kent tried to force himself to smile.

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. June 1, 2007.

Kent’s bags were already packed. They had been for days, but he didn’t feel ready to leave. He wasn’t ready to go to Sherbrooke, and definitely was not ready for the draft. “Maybe I should just stay home.”

Alexei rolled his eyes. “Yes, Kent. Is such good idea.” 

“Why do I even bother? You’re such an ass,” Kent grumbled. 

Alexei shrugged. “What alternative? You go hang out with Jennifer? My sisters? So much fun.” 

“Whatever.” 

Alexei just grinned. 

They ended up playing Call of Duty most of the night, blankets bunched around them on the couch. They stayed up late. Far later than Kent had intended. He had so much to do the next day. His stomach rolled with it. 

Kent couldn’t play for shit that night. “This sucks,” he said after being on the receiving end of a headshot for the seventh time. He groaned loudly at the comments coming through the headset, wherever they were. It smarted, and it was a pain that Kent did not want to get used to. 

“Worse than usually,” Alexei offered, as he crumpled on screen from being shot in the back. He didn’t bother to hide the wince, or stop the string of Russian that left his mouth. _“отвали, мудак, бля! Иди́/Пошёл в жо́пу!”_ Kent almost laughed at the look on Alexei’s face, and the sound of the kids on the other side of the headset exclaiming ‘What the fuck did he say?’

_“Ублю́док.”_

“HEY!” Kent bumped against him, still laughing. He could hear the kids yelling even after he ripped off the headphones.

“Best at hockey. Maybe not best at games,” Alexei laughed. “Can’t be amazing at everything.” 

Kent took a breath and leaned against Alexei. “I don’t know why not.” He squinted at Alexei. 

Alexei threw his arm around Kent’s shoulder, tucking him under his arm. “Maybe beat me one day.” 

“Not like you lasted much longer, fucker.” Kent looked at him, finally finding his smile. “Maybe. Maybe I might.”

“Wouldn’t bet on it.” Alexei teased. 

“Why wouldn't I bet on a sure thing?” Kent snipped back.

_/ _X_ \\_

Sherbrooke, Quebec. June 3, 2007.

They had arrived the day before the draft. Kent had not slept on the flight, of much the night before. Kent wasn’t just nervous. He was terrified. He wrung his hands together, leaning heavily against his mother in the backseat of the cab. “What if they really don’t pick me?” 

“It’s going to be fine, honey,” his mother said. 

The ride was too short for Kent’s nerves, and the crowd too thick when they got into the building. 

Kent wasn't convinced. Even when they found their seats it was all he could do not to bounce right out of his seat. He was so focused he nearly missed the man and the boy who took their seats next to him. He did a double take and blurted out, “You’re Bad Bob!” before he could stop himself. 

“And you’re Kent Parson. I’ve seen your tape. You have a bright future.” Robert Zimmermann grinned widely, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

Kent stared, mouth opening. “Oh, wow, thank you.” 

“No problem, kiddo.” 

Kent was glowing through the pomp and ceremony. Bad Bob had seen his tape and thought he was good. He almost missed the boy with Bad Bob, but wasn’t quite surprised when he finally recognized him as his son Jack, and he went first to Rimouski Océanic. Kent couldn’t help but be jealous. 

Kent knew he was good, but he was also not the typical hockey player, and most teams wouldn’t want to take a chance on him. It was frustrating to sit there and listen to name after name be called and not hear his own.

He almost missed his name being called when it did come around. He barely heard ‘Kent Parson’ ‘12th round pick’ ‘Rimouski Océanic’ uttered in the same sentence. 

He walked up to the stage in a daze, shook hands, and pulled the jersey on. It didn’t even matter than he went 200th overall. 

He was still spaced out when he took his seat again. His mother hugged him and Bob patted him on the shoulder. 

“I told you you were going places. You should have gone higher, but they didn’t really want to listen to reason.” Bob said. 

“Your tapes were pretty good,” Jack said grudgingly. He gave Kent a smile that was almost shy. 

“I’m sure you’ll be great,” Julia Parson said. 

Kent squinted at Bob. “I see.” None of this was random and Kent couldn’t help but find it disconcerting. A tiny bubble of hope formed in his chest.

“I’m a consultant for the team. I pushed your tapes at them. You’re not the run-of-the-mill, son, but you’re a hell of a player.” 

“Wow, thanks, sir.” Kent smiled, and he was still smiling as he met with management for the team the next day and they signed the paperwork. 

He was still floating when they made it onto the plane and he had Bad Bob and Jack’s numbers saved in his phone. He would be staying with them before they met the team and his billet family. He was going to be billeting with Jack Zimmermann! It was amazing. It was shocking. 

He couldn't wait to tell Alexei.

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. June 10, 2007.

Kent ran over to Alexei’s apartment the minute he got home, ignoring his mother yelling for him to unpack his suitcase. 

Alexei threw open the door after the second knock. “Kenyushka! You’re home!” 

“It was great, Alexei! I’m going to Quebec! Rimouski Océanic! I met Bad Bob Zimmerman, and Jack! I’m going to stay with them before camp starts!” 

Alexei hugged Kent tight. “Congrats. See I’m telling you it all fine, and it is!” 

“Well, mostly. I was 200th overall, which kinda sucks.” 

“I’m think you go much higher in NHL draft,” Alexei said. 

Kent snorted. “If I get there. No guarantees.” 

Alexei hugged him again, more tightly this time. “You’ll get there. I’m know this. I’ve seen you. Don’t be stupid, Kent. We both get there. No doubt. I on QMJHL site, they had clips. Looked very happy.” 

“I was. I am. Kinda felt like I was going to get passed over.” Kent worried at his lip.

“Wouldn't happen.” 

Kent shrugged, “Well, it didn’t. I got to meet Bad Bob. He invited me to stay with them before camp, and I’m going to be billeting with Jack Zimmermann! Can you believe it? OH! Fuck! I got you something too!” He grabbed Alexei’s hand. “It’s in my bag. Come on!” 

Alexei laughed and let himself be pulled along. 

Kent pulled him down the hall, and into his own apartment. “Hi, mom!” Kent shouted as he dragged Alexei down the hall. “Alexei is over!” 

“I’ll have dinner ready in an hour,” she called back.

“Thanks! He’s staying for dinner!” 

“I am?” Alexei asked. 

“Of course you’re staying,” Kent said and shut the door behind him. “So, like, after the draft, the Zimmermann’s had a party for Jack and there was, fuck, so many people there. Bob gave me and you an Océanic jersey signed by everyone there. 

“Oh, my fucking god, Alexei. You would have died. Some of the Pens were there. And Lemieux. And Gretsky. I’m dying. 

“Cay you even imagine? So... I got you Malkin’s signature. He was with Crosby and Lemieux. The Zimmermann’s house is amazing. I mean, Jack is a little weird. Like really focused. Also really good. We played a game of shinny. They have a rink in their basement. I’m not even joking.” 

“Sounds exciting. Very exciting.” Alexei looked down at the jersey. “Thank you, Kent. Very much. Very best gift.” 

“I’m glad you like it, man. Really.” 

Alexei nodded. He clutched the shirt to his chest and took a deep breath. “Best gift. Such--Such a good friend, Kent.”

“So are you,” Kent offered. “Really. I’m going to miss you. It sucks we won’t even play against each other.” 

Alexei ducked his head. “One day, Kent. I’m sure.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. July 4, 2007.

“I’m help your mom make you a cake!” Alexei said as he went through the motions of getting dressed. He fished out a shirt from the bag he had brought over. It still looked rumpled even after he made a valiant effort to smooth it out. “She said I could.”

“Um. Okay,” Kent said, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “So... what am I supposed to do?” 

“Go see my Mama. We have big party. Lots of food. Mama cooking. She said she need your help.” 

Kent snorted. “So, you're putting me to work for my birthday?” 

“Going out for picnic. Watch fireworks. Open presents. All for Kent,” Alexei grinned. It was as bright as the sun, and nearly blinded Kent. 

He couldn't look away. “Sounds like a plan. I mean, we usually don’t do anything special.” He shrugged. “The holiday, you know.” 

“Fireworks for you. All of it for you.” 

“It’s really not though,” Kent said. He grabbed a change of clothes and pulled them on. “I mean... it’s for the country's birthday. I’m nothing special.” He ruffled a hand through his hair, making it stand straight up. 

He didn’t protest too much when Alexei dragged him over to his house, and left him in the care of Mama Mashkova. 

“Is good to see you, Kent,” she said. “Come. We make Olivier salad. Good food for our picnic.” She hugged him tight, pulling him into the kitchen even as she shooed Alexei away. “Go, go. We take care of this.” 

Mama Mashkov was serious about packing a picnic. The made the Olivier salad, then moved on to boiled eggs. She packed up cured meats, sliced cucumbers and tomatoes. They made shashlik, and wrapped them up in tin foil. 

“This is a lot of food.” 

“Is not too much,” Marta, the oldest of Alexei’s sisters said. “You boys. You eat so much! I don’t know how you’re not chubby.” 

“You play hockey. You should understand.” 

She shrugged. “All I know is I have seen you both eat a pizza each. Was pretty gross.” 

“Hush, Marta. Leave Kent alone. Go get blanket ready. Go, go. Almost time to leave,” Anya Mashkova admonished. “Be a good girl.” 

“I always am, Mama,” she said, her ponytail swishing. 

Kent rolled his eyes. “Lies.”

Anya Mashkova laughed and ruffled Kent’s hair. “Help me pack this up, _Котенок._ ” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Kent helped her pack up the basket. 

They all squeezed into the Parson family van and headed down to the lawn at Canalside. There were already others reserving spaces for the fireworks that night they still got a good spot close to the water. They spread out their own blankets, and made their plates. 

Kent couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He leaned against Alexei, feeling content. “Thanks man. This was a good idea.” 

“You’re deserving best birthday,” Alexei said and knocked shoulders with him again. “Very best.” 

Kent laughed and grinned before turning his attention back to the food on his plate. “Sure, bro. If you say so.” 

“Do say so. Deserve best.” He smiled when he said it and threw his arms around Kent’s shoulder. 

They finished up their food, leaving their mothers chatting on the blanket and took off with their sisters to play frisbee golf. 

Jennifer was stupidly good at the game, beating them all easily. 

“Goalies are the best,” she shrieked when she got the frisbee in the basket in the last hole. “Eat it, suckers.” 

“No love for the birthday boy,” Kent said mournfully. “None at all.” He winked at Alexei. 

“None at all, bro. None at all,” Jennifer said and gave her brother a toothy grin. 

“Wouldn't even let me win.” 

“Not this time, and not ever,” Jennifer said. “One day I’m going to kick your ass in the NHL too. You’ll see. One day it will happen.” 

Kent squinted at her. If anyone could make that happen, his sister could. “If I ever make it there, I wouldn't mind.” 

“Good to know,” she smirked. 

Eventually they made it back to the blankets to eat the cake that Alexei and Kent’s mother had made. It was Italian cream and one of the best cakes that Kent had ever eaten. He ate two pieces, which made him feel like he was going to fall into a food coma. 

Kent and Alexei sprawled out on the blanket and took a nap while the girls headed to the fair and vendor stands. 

“Glad could do this for you,” Alexei said sleepily. He sprawled, taking up most of the blanket. 

“Me too,” Kent mumbled. He almost reached for Alexei, but clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. “Me too, Alexei. I’m glad I met you.” 

It was almost dark when he woke up. His mother shook him gently. “Wake up, baby. Time for the fireworks.”

“Mmmm... thanks, mom.” Kent rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and levered himself up. 

Alexei gave him an equally tired smile. “Good nap, yes?” 

“Yeah,” Kent grinned back. “Very good nap. Very good day, for that matter.” 

It was a warm, humid night, the fireflies just coming out when the fireworks started. The lights burst up in the sky in dazzling silver, blue and red. Kent’s breath caught in his chest with each reverberation. It was perfect and beautiful. 

Kent though he could have just sat there forever.

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. August 16, 2007.

The Zimmermann’s home had a skating rink in their basement. It was huge. It was also an eye opener to skate with Jack and Bob. Even while playing a game of shinny, well, it was hard not to be awestruck at first. 

Kent got over it fast though, and he found that he liked to play with Jack. It was a challenge. 

Bob smiled as he watched them play. “Just like I thought. You’re going to go far.” 

“Thanks, Mister Zimmerman.” 

“Call me Bob,” he said and ruffled Kent’s hair. He kept telling Kent that, as if hoping it might eventually stick. “You should come back during break, with Jack. Having a friend here is good for him, I think.” 

“Sure. I would like that.” Kent said with a smile. He couldn't stop doing that. It felt amazing to be accepted by these people. “Thank you again for letting me stay the summer.” 

He stayed a week before he was bundled up on a plane with Jack to Rimouski. They landed early on the 16th, three full days before the start of training camp, and were picked up by the Tremblays. They spoke nothing but French, and Kent felt overwhelmed with that. He had picked up the odd Russian phrase from Alexei (mostly cursing), but knew nothing of French at all. 

“Well, I can act as translator, I guess,” Jack said, bumping against him. “Maybe you should try to learn.”

“Wow, so welcoming,” Kent joked. 

“It’s not a bad idea. Considering where you're going.” 

Kent scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I guess.”

Mrs. Tremblay showed them to their room. They would be sharing one, not that Kent minded. They seemed nice enough. They were an older couple. Mrs. Tremblay was a cheerful woman who pushed food at them the minute they opened the door. Kent didn’t mind that either, especially since it was good food, and he was starving. 

Jack rolled his eyes, and popped a pill before they started to eat. He did that a lot, Kent noticed. Maybe too much. Kent didn’t know a lot about medicine, but it seemed that Jack took it anytime he got the least bit jittery, and Jack was always jittery.

_/ _X_ \\_

Erie, Pennsylvania. August 30, 2007.

 _“Hi, mama. Yes, I arrived okay. Yes, billet family is nice. The team is nice too,”_ Alexei said. He tried to sound upbeat, and not ill at ease. Things were going badly aside from Kent avoiding his calls, the thought of being so far away from his family left him feeling ill. He didn’t understand that. He thought they had grown close. He thought Kent had cared about him as much as he cared for Kent, but maybe he was wrong about that. It hurt, and he did not understand why Kent had pulled away. It didn’t make any sense to Alexei. 

He tucked the shirt Kent had brought him back from the draft at the very back of his dresser and tried not to think too hard about it. There was hockey after all. 

_“Are you sure, Alyosha?”_ He could hear the worry in her voice. It was hard to suppress the guilt from having been the cause of it. 

_“Yes, mama. I really am, promise. It’s just that I miss you. And my sisters, and Kenny.”_

_“Hasn’t he called you?”_ Alexei cringed at her question. 

_“No, mama. I haven’t heard from him since I got here. Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe he’s decided we’re not really friends. I dunno. I just. I t-thought he cared about me too.”_ He groaned. _“Can we not talk about this? It’s the worst.”_

_”Oh, baby. I’m sorry.”_

_“Me too, mama. Me too. I told him, about me. Maybe that’s why. Maybe he’s really not fine with it.”_

_“If he had problem with you being gay, maybe he’s not worth being friends then,”_ Anya Mashkova said carefully. 

_“I think I loved him,”_ Alexei said in a tiny voice. _“Straight boys are the worst, Mama.”_

_“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”_

Alexei sniffled. _“It’s fine. I never expected. I mean.”_

 _“Shhh... baby. You’ll find a good boy one day. One who deserves you. Now tell me about this team of yours, Alyosha.”_

_“They’re okay. Really. We’re not meshing as fast as I hope. And I miss you and the girls so much.”_

_“You’ll see us on break.”_

Alexei took a wobbly breath. _“I know. I just... It’s hard. I miss you and I miss Mother. I miss her so much. It hurts. Why did she have to die?”_

_“Oh, baby. Alyosha. My dearest child. I’m so sorry.”_

Alexei sniffled. _“I wish I could come home. I don’t like it here. I know I should, and the team is great. I just--- I just want Kent to pick up the phone.”_

_“It will get better, baby.”_

_“I know it will, but it’s not right now.”_

_/ _X_ \\_

Rimouski, Quebec. October 16, 2007.

Kent curled up in his bed at the Tremblays. Jack had turned in an hour earlier than he had, looking like he was going to drop at any moment. 

He couldn't sleep though, despite the exhaustion he had felt. Practice had been grueling, which he had expected, it always was these days. The throwing around of homophobic slurs, he had not. Everytime he hears ‘fuck, you’re so gay’, ‘cocksucker’, or any of the other million things they chirped it was all he could do not to flinch away. It seemed to have gotten worse as his time there went by. 

He buried his face in his pillow, shuddering. These people could never find out about him, and not only that if it was that bad in Junior it would only be a million times worse in the NHL.

He drew in a deep breath. 

He had to bury this thing he had for Alexei away. Alexei was so far out of the closet, and that was fine for him if he could manage, but Kent couldn’t afford it. He also couldn't hope to keep talking to Alexei without letting his feeling be known. He wanted him so badly, but he owed so much to his mother and his sister. They had always given up so much for him. 

Tears gathered in his eyes, and he cried into his pillow letting it muffled the sobs that made their way out of his mouth. It wasn’t fair, but Kent had never found life to be so. Not in his experience. 

The next morning he came down to breakfast red eyed. He sat down at the round table with Jack. Mrs. Tremblay was cooking, and her husband was absent. 

“You look like shit,” Jack said eloquently. 

_“Homesick?”_ Mrs. Tremblay asked in French.

Kent stared at her blankly until Jack rolled his eyes and translated. “She’s asking you if you’re homesick.” 

“Yes,” Kent nodded and shook his head. 

_”Oh, you poor boy.”_ She patted his shoulder and slid a plate of eggs, toast and bread in front of him. “Eat, eat.” 

“Thank you. Um...merci?” 

She gave him a big smiled and Kent did his best to give her one back.

_/ _X_ \\_

Rimouski, Quebec. October 20, 2007.

Kent was on Jack’s line and it was glorious. They were scoring. The blind passes were beautiful. Kent knew he should be happy, but there was a bubble of fear in his chest every time they played.

Someone was going to find out. It was only a matter of time. He dodged Alexei’s phone calls, didn’t return his texts, and did nearly the same to Jennifer’s and his own mother’s. He couldn't deal with any of them or the way he felt like curling up and crying every time he saw that Alexei had called. He couldn’t afford risking his career for whatever it was he felt for Alexei. He owed his mother too much for all of the hard work and sacrifices that she had made for him.

He called less and less though. So, that was something. It was painful, but Kent hoped that too would dull with time.

They won the game that day. Easily. 

Jack was smiling and happy as they headed to the after-party at Smithy’s house. Jack popped two pills and Kent felt uneasy about that, but he also felt like maybe Jack knew what he was doing. Jack was always in control. Moreso that Kent ever was.

Jack threw his arm around Kent’s shoulder. It was heavy and warm. Not as heavy or as comforting as Alexei’s arm had been, but close enough that Kent relaxed into it. 

“Let’s get a drink,” Jack whispered into his ear. His hot breath tickled Kent’s skin. His lips were too close when he leaned in, his arm too tight. 

“If you want,” Kent made himself say, but his chest was tight. 

Jack steered him inside Smithy’s house, and through the crush inside. “I do. You deserve a drink, or five. That goal was so sweet, Kent. I swear I could just kiss you.” 

Kent felt his blood go cold, and he forced a laugh from his lips. 

Jack got their drinks and found them a relatively quiet corner. Jack’s hands shook as he took a big drink of the beer in his cup, and he chattered in a way Jack did not normally. “You play such good hockey. I’m so glad you’re my liney.”

“And your friend?” Kent asked. He thought of Alexei for a moment and his eyes stung. He didn’t deserve a friend like that. Not with the way he had been acting, and not with how he really felt about Alexei. 

“Sure,” Jack said. He leaned in again and kissed him. The kiss was sloppy, and he tasted like stale, cheap beer. 

Kent’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. 

He couldn't have Alexei, but maybe he could have this.

_/ _X_ \\_

Buffalo, New York. December 24, 2007.

Alexei didn’t expect Kent to pick up the phone. He must not have checked to see who was calling. “Why you not come home? You make your mother so upset?” Alexei snapped when the call connected. 

“Uh...hi.” 

“No. You don’t ‘hi’ me, Kent Parson. You make Mrs. Parson so sad. She come over to our house. Have Christmas Eve dinner. Jennifer mad too. You say you come home, but you not.” English failed him for a moment. 

“The Zimmermann’s invited me over. Mom should understand. It’s important to make connections,” Kent snapped. “You know, Alexei. It’s none of your business.” 

“What you mean it’s none of my business? Why you mean, Kent? We are supposed to be friends.” Alexei’s chest felt tight. This was not going how it was supposed to go. Not at all. He missed Kent so much, but it was clear Kent didn’t miss him at all. He didn’t care how Alexei was going with his team, or how homesick he was. He didn’t care about his own mother and how sad she was that Kent hand not even bothered to come home for the holiday break. 

Alexei had misjudged him so very badly, and that too hurt. “Call her at least. She cry at dinner.” He disconnected the call and hunched in on himself. 

“Alexei?” Julia Parson peeked in the door. “You okay? Dinner is on the table. Your mother was asking for you to help set the table.” 

“Thank you,” he said, pasting a smile onto his face. “Glad you could come to dinner. Forgot to say. Very glad. You and Jennifer like family now.” 

She smiled. “I would like to think so. You’re a good kid, Lexie. I hope you never lose that sweetness.” 

Alexei ducked his head and bit his lip. He didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m sorry Kent didn’t come.” 

“Me too, kiddo. Me too. Maybe next year,” She said, and pulled him into a tight hug. “I know you miss him.” 

“He doesn’t miss me though. He hates me. I’m call him and it made him so angry.” Alexei swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I’m not know what I do wrong.” 

She rubbed little circles on his back. “Oh, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong. Kent is just going through something right now. Give it time. He will come around.” 

“Probably not,” he whispered. “I’m so stupid.” 

“He will,” she insisted. “Alexei, honey. Please, just trust me.” 

He sniffled. “I’m try very hard.” 

“I know you do. Now, let’s go set the table.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. December 25, 2007.

“You feeling okay, kiddo?” Bob asked as Kent made his way into the living room. 

Kent opened his mouth and wanted to say he was okay, to just smooth it over and pretend everything was fine. “No. Not really. Not really at all. I think I fucked up.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

Kent bit his lip and shook his head. “No. Not really. Can’t fix it.”

“Well, come downstairs. There are some presents to unwrap, I think, and dinner to eat,” Bob said. “Jack is getting antsy about it.” 

“That is Jack,” Kent said, and made himself smile. 

“You’re right it is,” Bob laughed. “I can’t even tell you how excited he was that you agreed to come up here for Christmas. I know he won’t say it, but he really was. I’m glad he found a friend like you.” 

Kent ducked his head. He didn’t even know what to say to that. 

“Dinner is ready,” Alicia called. It was a welcome interruption. 

“We are coming, dear,” Bob called back. “Come along, Kent.” He said and patted Kent on the back. “Dinner is waiting.” 

It was the easiest thing to follow him down the stairs and not think about Alexei. 

“You’re late,” Jack accused when they made it down into the dining room. 

“Food was not going anywhere,” Bob said. “Relax.” 

“I’m relaxed,” Jack said. He chewed on his thumbnail, looking anything but. 

Kent had seen him downing a handful of pills before they had gone down for dinner. It was becoming commonplace. He didn’t know how to broach the subject. Not without making Jack go off in a temper and not talk to him for hours (a whole day in one case). Then when he did talk he would be snappish and leave Kent feeling like he was walking on eggshells. 

“Jack is always relaxed,” Kent said. His eyes flicked over to Jack. Maybe it wasn’t worth it to say otherwise. Not if he wanted to keep Jack’s goodwill. He wanted that so badly. It was an ache in his chest, unlike the one he felt when he thought of Alexei. No. It was more like a rock in his chest. 

“He says I’m uptight,” Jack grumbled. 

“That is one thing I have never lied about,” Kent said and took his seat beside Jack. Their legs brushed under the table, and Kent looked away.

They fixed their plates, mostly in silence. It did not hold the cheer that the Parson Family Celebrations did. The food was good. Not something that Kent would normally complain about. He finished his plate, and sheepishly went for seconds. He could get away with it at least. Coach kept telling him he needed to pick up some weight. Especially after his last growth-spurt. He was never bulky at the best of times and was far too rawboned at the moment. 

He didn’t feel too bad about loading up on sweets after dinner was done. He never adhered to his diet like Jack did anyway. He popped a bonbon into his mouth even as he was ushered by Alicia into the family room. 

“We are so glad to have you here,” she said, echoing Bob’s sentiment from earlier. 

“Glad to be here,” Kent said. 

The tree in the family room was huge, and looked like something straight out of the _Home and Garden_ magazines that Kent’s mother liked to browse though at the grocery. Nothing in Kent’s life was ever this put together. His own family Christmas generally involved the old tree that his dad had bought them (before the accident) and older ornaments that they had inherited from Kent’s grandparents. The ornaments were old and fragile. His mother would always admonish them to be careful, they were irreplaceable. He missed that. He missed being young enough that he didn’t have to worry if he was mistepping or doing something that would ruin his career.

The tree was surrounded by mounds of presents. More than Kent had received in his short life all together. He had trouble imagining himself in Jack’s shoes, but he received a taste of it. It was mind blowing to realize a quarter of the presents under the tree were for him. 

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, and looked up at Jack with a look of shock. These people were so generous. It wasn’t something he had expected.

“Don’t be silly. We want you to be welcome here,” Alicia said. She pushed a present into his hands. “We were happy to have you here and happy to include you.” 

Kent held onto the present, staring down at it. 

“Open it, already,” Jack said, and rolled his eyes. 

“Fine.” Kent sat down gingerly. He pulled away the paper and sucked in a breath and looked down at the skates inside the box. His mother could never afford to buy him a pair like this. 

“I saw you looking at them in the store,” Jack said, looking over Kent’s shoulder. 

Kent didn’t even know what to say. It was too much. “Thank you,” he managed. 

“They are the right ones, aren’t they?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah. They are,” Kent whispered. He traced his finger along the CCM logo. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. You--uh--deserve the best,” Jack said awkwardly. His cheeks flushed. 

“I didn’t get you anything,” Kent said. 

“You didn’t need to. You coming here is present enough,” Jack said. Sometimes he could be so sweet, when he was away from the ice. 

Never as sweet as Alexei though. Kent pushed the thought away. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Jack smiled warmly. 

Kent hummed and smiled back.

_/ _X_ \\_

Ottawa, Ontario. June 20, 2008.

“You do well,” Anya Mashkova said. She patted Alexei’s leg. “Don’t worry, Alyosha.” 

“Is fine. Whatever team get me. Is good. Is fine. I be happy just to get in.” He slung an arm around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Did very good in Combine, I’m think. Maybe not so low in draft?” 

_“Oh, my dear boy. You’ll do good,”_ she said in Russian and patted his knee. _“You work so hard.”_

Alexei was not sure about that. He was nervous. He had no doubt that he was not going to be first, but maybe in the first round. He would definitely be happy if that was the case. He had not felt he had done too badly going through the Combine. In truth, the interviews had been far more exhausting than any of the battery of fitness tests that he had been put through. 

It was hard to tell though. 

They had stayed a few extra days in Toronto to see the sights. That had been the highlight of that week. His mother had dragged him to see the Royal Ontario Museum ( _“Being cultured is not a bad thing, Alyosha.”_ his mother had chimed in.), and Casa Loma ( _“Look at that architecture, My dear boy.”_ ). She did not have to drag him to the Hockey Hall of Fame. He had been all about that. 

He let himself drift back to the present. He had been contacted by a couple teams. Boston had seemed serious, and so had Providence. The Rangers had contacted him as well, but he did not feel that they were that dedicated to picking him. He was mulling it over, not even really paying attention as they first pick came and went. Some Canadian boy, no real surprise there. 

He didn’t hear his name called at first. Didn’t notice the cameras focused on him, but then his mother was hugging him tightly, and he was pushed up to the stage. 

He had met Georgia a couple of times, but neither of the owners or any of the other people of on the stage. A Falconer’s jersey was pressed into his hands by none other than Sebastian St. Martin. He managed to pull it on, and place the cap on his head. The lights were too bright, nearly blinding him as he looked back out on the crowd. Georgia and St. Martin threw their arms around him as the press snapped their photos. 

He didn’t hear the commissioner as he spoke or the people that congratulated him. 

He was never going to remember all of the names with the faces. The sheer number was overwhelming. They spoke English too fast. The lights were too bright. 

It was just too much.

How was this even his life?

He was still in a daze later that night when his head hit the pillow. He looked down at his phone and at the text that he had sent to Kent months ago. Kent had never replied. There had been radio silence, and it left Alexei’s stomach grinding with nerves in a way that even the draft had not. 

He slid his fingers across the buttons and considered calling Kent. 

It would probably only lead to another fight. 

He curled up on the bed and stared at the far wall. On one hand, he could not believe his luck. He was going to be a Falconer, and the management was really excited to have him. His agent was going to go over the details, but he had no doubt that he would be signing a contract within a few weeks. His heart fluttered at that. He was going to sign. He thought back to the conversation that he had had with Georgia after all was said and done. 

_They had gone out to an expensive restaurant, his mother squished against his side in the back of the cab, Georgia on the other side._

_“We are so glad to have you,” she said for the tenth time. “I was so impressed with your interview. You’re very mature for your age. I don’t mean that as an insult.” She paused to laugh. “But some of the boys I interviewed... ” She shrugged, and gave him a little smile._

_He bit his lip and nodded. “I can imagine.”_

_“I think you’ll like the team. I think we’ll probably send you down to the AHL for the first half of the season to ease you in. Marty has already agreed to billet you. I know your first season can be overwhelming, but we all have your back. The Falconer’s organization is... well, we like to think of ourselves as a family.”_

_Alexei’s eyes darted to his mother and then back to George. It was tumbling out of his mouth before he could even stop it. “I’m gay.”_

_Georgia blinked at him for one moment and then nodded. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. Do you want to come out?”_

_Alexei stared at her, at loss for words. “Not my rookie season. I’m not thinking that would be wise.”_

_“It could go either way, I think. I’ll get you in touch with our PR department and we can draw up a plan.” She patted his hand. “I meant it when I said we’ll have your back. We really are happy to have you on the team.”_

_Alexei did not even know what to say to that. It was not the reaction that he was expecting by a long shot. “Really?”_

_“Yes, really,” Georgia said gently._

_“I--Is not what I’m expecting,” He finally said, and wiping at his eyes._

_“I told you this would work out,” Anya said brightly._

_“I’m sure my wife would approve,” Georgia said._

_“Oh,” Alexei said. His eyes widened. “Oh.”_

_Georgia shook her head, and looked amused herself. “Things will work out, Alexei. I can’t promise that it won’t be hard, but I think you have a very promising future with the Falconers, and damned if I’m not going to do my best to see it through.”_  
  
He was startled back to the present by a knock at the door. “I thought you might be hungry,” his mother said as she stepped inside, pizza box in hand. They sat in the hotel room eating cheap pizza and watching horrible late night television. It was kinda perfect. “Thanks, mama.” 

“You know I’m always here for you, Alyosha.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I”m glad it worked out for you.” 

He found a smile creeping on his face as he thought about it. He might not have Kent at his side, but things were still looking up, and they could only get better.

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. June 20, 2008.

Kent leaned in and watched the beginning of the draft on TSN. He couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad one. He only halfway paid attention to the commissioner's opening speech. 

Stamkos what as first pick to the Tampa Bay. That was as expected. 

“Are you really watching this?” Jack said as he plopped down beside him. He squinted at the screen. 

“I’m just curious. Alexei--” Kent started, and then shut his mouth with a sharp click as the screen panned to Alexei. “Fuck.” The Falconer’s announced their pick, and Alexei was looking stunned, frozen in his seat. “Fuck,” Kent said again. “He’s gone second.” 

Jack glowered. “I don’t know what your fascination is with him. He can barely even speak English.” 

“You haven’t seen his hockey,” Kent hissed. “Stop talking shit, Jack.” 

“Why do you care so much? He doesn’t even want anything to do with you.” 

“He’s my fucking friend,” Kent said, His hand clenched into fists, nails biting into his hands, and leaving angry little half-moons in their wake. “Just shut the fuck up, Jack. Your fucking jealous shit is garbage.” 

“I just don’t see what you see in him,” Jack snapped. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t worry about it. You’re always saying that this is nothing serious, right? So just. Fuck. I’m not having this argument with you, Jack.” 

“You always just run away, don’t you?” Jack said. His eyes narrowed dangerously. 

“Fuck you, Jack. Just fuck you.” Kent’s heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest. “What is your problem with Alexei?” 

“What isn’t my problem? You’re obsessed. You talk about him all the fucking time.” 

Kent shrunk away. “He was my friend.” 

“ _Was_ being the keyword. I’m fucking here now. Jesus Fucking Christ, Kenny. You love him, and I fucking hate it.” 

“I don’t love him,” Kent said in a tiny voice. 

“You’re so stupid. I swear. I realize I’m pretty oblivious to a lot of things, but _merde_. Even I can’t miss that.” He shrugged. The whole outburst was entirely unlike his normal demeanor. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed. The draft is creeping up on us, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents.” His hands shook as he reached for the bottle of pills on the counter. “Let’s just play a game and forget I said anything. Okay?” 

“Fine,” Kent said. “That’s--yeah. Sounds like a good idea. Let’s pretend it never happened.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. July 4, 2008.

It had not been a hard decision to go home with Jack and stay for the entire summer. The season had ended well. They had not brought home the President’s Trophy, but it had come so close. They had been eliminated in Game Six of the President’s Cup Final. It had hurt. And hurt more when he saw the photos of Alexei hoisting up the Robertson Cup. 

He stared at the images online probably a lot longer than was healthy, torn between jealousy and longing. He had almost broken down and called Alexei. 

Almost. 

And then was tempted again when he got what had to be a drunk text from Alexei that only said: ‘I love you.’

Kent didn’t understand why Alexei would be cruel like that. He wasn’t expecting Jack to look over his shoulder either. 

“What the hell is that?” 

“It’s nothing,” Kent said. 

“So you’re cheating on me?” Jack said flatly. 

“No. Why are you even worrying about it? You keep saying it’s nothing serious, right?” Kent mumbled. 

“I just think we should concentrate on hockey, that’s all.” 

For the most part Kent just went along with it. If Jack wanted to fool around, he wasn’t going to protest that. He liked Jack, and he liked sleeping with Jack. He could see how it would be something (and someone) he could get attached to. “You’re such a bag of dicks. I swear.”

Jack shrugged. “So are you, asshole. Fuck it. Let’s go down to the rink.” He grabbed his bottle of pills, downing a couple before he nearly pushed Kent down the hall. 

Still, Jack was snappish for days and periodically quizzed Kent about Alexei. It left Kent on pins and needles and half ready to take the first plane back home. 

He didn’t though. He stayed the summer, training with Jack and avoiding his family. 

It wasn’t bad. He didn’t mind getting up at the break of dawn to go running with Jack. Sometimes it was the highlight of his day. He had never trained so hard. 

And he grew three inches. 

All in all, it was not a bad summer.

It was even better when his birthday rolled around. Alicia fixed all of his favourite foods, and they made a German chocolate cake that Jack didn’t even protest taking a bite of. 

It was nice, but maybe not as nice as having a picnic with his family. 

He missed them, as much as he protested otherwise.

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. December 2, 2008.

Alexei had gotten used to the rhythm of playing with the Sparrowhawks. He had not expected to be called up so soon. He looked around the barn, at the smooth, bright, pristine ice, and felt his heart pound in his chest. The lights were too bright. Alexei loved every minute of it. 

“You ready, Kiddo?” Marty asked as they were filing out onto the ice. 

“Was born ready,” Alexei said sagely. 

Marty laughed, and Thirdy joined in. “Born wearing skates, eh? Makes you almost sound Canadien.” 

Alexei snorted. “Never.” 

Marty patted him on the shoulder. “Well, you’re a good kid regardless of where you came from.” 

Alexei rolled his eyes at that. He liked Marty too, not that he would admit it to his face. He liked playing with the Falconers as much as much as he liked playing with the Sparrowhawks. He meshed with the defence of the team well. They paired him up with Guy more often than not, and they rocked it. They were winning. 

That night they faced the Capitals. He ran over Ovechkin like he weighed nothing and sent him tumbling onto the ice. Alexei couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He couldn’t do anything to Russia, but he could certainly fuck up Russia’s darling. He knew it was uncharitable, and he knew his mother would be calling him after the game, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

The black eye he got for the trouble was worth it, as were the two penalty minutes for roughing. 

Wilson went after him after that and got himself thrown in the penalty box. It was worth it. All of it was worth it. He wanted to keep his place on the team for the next season. He wanted to make his mother proud, but more importantly he wanted to stay with the team. He didn’t think he would find another as understanding.

In the end, it paid off; they won that game four to three. It was a hard pressed win, and Alexei was exhausted by the time they were filing off the ice, but he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. 

They kept winning. 

Alexei hoped they would make it to the play-offs. He prayed for it. He never spoke about it though, not wanting to jinx their chances. He was just as superstitious as the next hockey player, perhaps moreso when it came to the Cup. 

So, he kept hoping. He seemed to be staying on the line-up. He seemed to be staying at Marty’s house on a permanent basis. He was so happy about it that he never even complained when Marty woke him up early in the morning to go jogging. He hated jogging. Detested it. Normally, he only tolerated it because it was a million times better than being stuck on a treadmill. 

They would get breakfast together, Alexei choking down a protein shake and sometimes a plateful of eggs. He couldn’t seem to keep weight on. They had him eating as much protein as he could. Alexei missed his mother’s cooking more than anything. 

Sometimes she would overnight him pelemi and blini, that he would share with Marty and his family. 

He was homesick. Not that he would admit it, but by the end of the season, Marty’s family (and the team) seemed like a second family.

It was not only them, but the Russian community had rallied around him as well. He was a frequent visitor to the Summit community and the Russian bakery in Pawtucket (which was within walking distance of Marty’s house). Aminev’s Pastry Shoppe had some of the best Russian Tea Cakes, and they fixed tea just right with the most amazing jam that Alexei had ever had. Sometimes Marty would even go there with him for breakfast, always making a comment about this is “so far out of our diet plan that it is not even funny, Tater.” 

Marty never protested too loudly, even when Alexei would drag him to Bukavitsky’s Deli in the Summit neighborhood. “Taste just like home,” he said, beaming. “Maybe I take Mama here when she comes to visit.” 

“Maybe you should,” Marty would agree. 

They hung his jersey up on the wall eventually, and that made Alexei grin even more. It was odd to be accepted, but amazing to hear his mother language spoken around him.

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. December 15, 2008.

“So, I think we should have several contingency plans,” Martha said. She was a pale woman, and nearly as tall as Alexei, and worked for the Falconer’s PR department. “I realize you said you would like to come out eventually. I think it would be best for us to set up a timeline for that, but also a contingency plan in case you're outed. I realize that is a worst case scenario, but I think it is best we plan for it and any other possibility that you can imagine.” 

Alexei nodded, “If you think best.” 

“We really do, Tater.” Georgia patted his hand. 

Tater couldn’t help smile at the nickname. Tiny Potatoes. He absolutely loved it, and moreso that the team accepted him enough to give him a nickname.

“Let’s start with who already knows,” Martha continued on. 

“Some on my Junior team. Family. Er... Kent Parson.” Alexei wrinkled his nose. 

“Kent Parson?” Martha asked. “You know Kent Parson? Really?” She bit at her lip. “I see.” 

“Was neighbor to family. Was friends. Not really talking to him now,” Alexei said. “Probably wouldn’t out, but not sure.” 

“We will take that into account,” she said.

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. January 11, 2009.

 _”It is getting to be ridiculous, Alyosha. You need to talk to him. His mother is all torn up about it. He doesn’t call, he doesn’t come home for holidays. She is so upset, and I cannot blame her. What has gotten into that boy?”_ Anya Mashkova said as soon as Alexei picked up the phone. He held it away from his ear, wincing as her voice steadily rose. 

_”Really, mama? You call me to rant about Kent? No ‘Hi, Alyosha? How are you, Alyosha?’? No ‘You’re doing so well in the NHL, Alyosha.”? That hurts, Mama.”_ Alexei plopped down onto the couch in his room. _“So very hurt.”_

 _“You, my dear son, are a brat. Now tell me what is going on.”_ She had that tone in her voice. Angry, and steely. “Alyosha!”

_“Honestly, I don’t know, mama. I’ve told you he cut me off. I think--- maybe he’s just ashamed to know me. Doesn’t want the ‘gay’ to rub off on him, maybe.”_

His mother snorted on the other end of the line. _”That was never my impression. Julia asked him about you one of the few times she actually caught him on the phone. He sounded upset. I don’t think he hates you, baby. I don’t think that has ever been the problem.”_

“Is news to me,” Alexei snapped in English. “Look, Mama. I need to go. I have to meet with the guys. I talk to you later.” 

_”It’s fine, Alyosha. I love you .”_

“Love you too, Mama. So much.” Alexie looked down at his phone for a long time, feeling his chest tighten. This was the last thing he needed on a game day.

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. March 11, 2009.

“I think you should get out more, Tater,” Marty said. He watched Alexei as he sat down at the breakfast table. 

Gabby, Marty’s wife, slid a plate of chicken strips and waffles in front of him. “Now before you protest, hun, we are just worried about you. We want you to be happy.” 

“I’m go out. I’m not hide in my room,” Alexei said defensively. He picked on one of the chicken strips, biting into it savagely, all the while glaring at them both. 

“Yeah, I know you go out with us. But you never go home with anyone. We just worry that you’re lonely, I guess,” Marty said. “We worry about you, Tater. You’re young. You should be having fun, and going out with people your age.” 

“I’m being fine.” 

“I don’t think you are, sweetie,” Gabby said. “We really worry about you. I don’t know who you’re pining over, but it isn’t healthy.” 

Alexei’s shoulders hunched. He looked down at his plate, staring hard, but not really seeing what was in front of him. His hands clenched. “Right. Probably not healthy.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Fine. What you want to do ‘bout it?”

Gabby smiled gently, and patted his shoulder. “Well, I know of a couple of nice boys to fix you up with.” 

Alexei nodded. What else he could do? “Fine, when?” 

“Well, let me make a couple of calls.” 

Alexei looked up at her. His brown eyes are wide and wary. “Okay. Thank you.” He went back to his breakfast. He didn’t know how he felt about it. “Appreciate that you care.” 

“I know you do, sweetie. I know.” 

He finished up his breakfast and went up to his room. It was on the second floor and cozy. He knew he should be looking for a place of his own, but Marty and Gabby didn’t seem to be in any hurry to push him out. It seemed like the easiest thing to curl back up into bad and pull the covers around him, over his head. He sucked in a breath. Moving on was not something that he had ever really entertained. Kent was so firmly lodged in his heart, that he did not see any real hope in removing him. He wasn’t even sure that was something that he wanted to do. Even with Kent not talking to him (a part of him even understood why), it didn’t really change things. Kent was still lodged in his heart, and he was still terrified of coming out. 

He still wasn’t talking to Alexei. Or his mother. 

An hour later, Gabby knocked on the door, and peeked in once Alexei had told her to ‘Come in’. 

“I made some calls. Would you be up for going out tonight?” she asked. “One of my friend’s brothers is going to come by to get you. His name is Benny. He’s such a sweetheart.” 

Alexei sat up reluctantly. They didn’t have a game that night, so he was free, and she knew it. “Sure.” 

Gabby gave him a brilliant smile. “Good! Great. I have this feeling you’ll hit it off.” 

Alexei nodded. He wasn’t surprised she had actually set up the date for him. Had she just given him the guy's number, chances were he would never call to set it up himself. “Thanks, Gabby.” 

“Oh, you’re welcome, hun. I’m sure you’re going to hit it off so well. He is such a sweetheart. He’ll be here to come get you around seven.” 

“Thank you,” He said again, a ball of dread already forming in the pit of his stomach. 

She closed the door gently, and left Alexei to his wallowing. Seven o’clock was long to roll around. He eventually crawled out of bed and got his run in. Skating was optional, so he didn’t go in. He didn’t feel up to it. 

Benny was there on the dot. He was as far from Kent as you could, as tall as Alexei, with dark hair and equally dark eyes. He had a wide smile that Alexei couldn’t help but answer in return. 

“Nice to meet you,” he said as Gabby let him inside, and he took Benny’s hand. “Gabby talks about you a lot.” 

“Nice to meet too,” Alexei said. “Maybe we go now?” 

“Sure. Dinner and a movie okay?” 

“Is fine,” Alexei agreed, and let himself be ushered out. Benny’s hand was warm on his back, but he really felt nothing. There was no draw to him like there had always been to Kent.

“So, you play on Marty’s team?” Benny asked once they were in his car and heading out for dinner. “My family are big fans, but I don’t follow as close as I would like to. I think I only caught one game last year.” 

“Yes, am biliting with him this season. You play?” 

Benny laughed, and shrugged. “I did in highschool, but you know not everyone can try to go pro. I wasn’t quite good enough to. So, I ended up going to Samwell. I’m majoring in Biology, on a pre-med track.” 

Alexei nodded and tried to parse through the words. His English was getting better all the time, but in times of stress it seemed to flee him altogether. 

“You have any plans after?” 

Alexei shrugged. “Not yet. Still rookie. Trying to make my way with team.” 

“Oh, well, that is cool too. Must be amazing.” 

“Is dream. Always wanted.” Alexei gave Benny a small, shy smile. “Always. Since very little.” He wrinkled his nose. “Always wanted most.” 

“Living the dream, huh.” 

“Definitely. Where we heading?”

“Oh, a little bistro. It’s nice, and close to the theatre,” Benny said. 

They arrived at Bouley ten minutes later. As promised the food was good. They shared a cheese tray before their main course was brought in. Alexei ended up ordering Steak-frites, and Benny navarin d'agneau. 

“How do you like Providence?” Benny asked while they were eating. 

“Is nice. Like market and waterfront. Gabby is teaching me to cook, well, more things. Could a little bit. We go there on Sunday mornings. Is very nice.” 

“Sounds nice. Must be weird living with strangers like that.” 

“No, not really. I’m live with different billets. When in Juniors did not live much with family. It not bad, I guess. Mostly used to it.” 

Benny didn’t look entirely convinced, but Alexei was not going to argue the point with him. 

They didn’t stay at the bistro long, they finished up eating and headed to the theater catching an early showing of _The Watchmen._

Alexei lost himself in the movie, and that was nice at least. Benny didn’t try to put his arm around Alexei’s back or even lean close. It was a relief. It wasn’t uncomfortable at least, they sat through the movie together, and shared a bag of popcorn. 

“I think maybe---” Benny started when they were leaving. 

“That you want to be friends?” Alexei asked. 

“Fuck, thank you, yes. You’re a really cool guy, but I don’t feel like there is anything there. You know?” 

“Yes, I’m know. Is fine. You’re cool, too. Wouldn’t mind hanging out, but I’m not think you’re my type.” Alexei grimace at that. He only had one type, and apparently it was Kent.

“Good--- I mean I’d like that. Hanging out that is.” He smiled at Alexei, and Alexei smiled back. It was something at least.

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. June 25, 2009. 10:40 pm.

“A-Alexei?” Kent’s voice wobbled on the other end of the phone.

“Kenyushka? What is being wrong?” They had not talked in well over a year, and Alexei couldn't fathom why Kent would be calling him now. “What is wrong?” he asked again, and was even more alarmed when Kent started to cry on the other end of the line. “Kent?” 

Kent sniffed. “I’m at the hospital. I found--I thought he was dead.” 

“Kenyushka, what is going on? Are you needing me to come get you? Where are you?” 

“I’m in Montréal. Oh my god, Alexei. He took the whole bottle. All of it. He was having a seizure when I found him, and his eyes rolled back in his head, and then he was so still. I thought he was dead. I thought he was dead.” 

“Shhhh... breathe for me. You mean Zimmermann kid? One you're living with? You there alone, _Котенок_?” Alexei was having trouble breathing himself, but he forced himself to sound calm. He wondered, for a moment, if this was what it felt like to have a panic attack. 

Kent sniffed. “They wouldn’t let me go back. B-bob said to go back to the hotel. T-the draft is in the morning. Couldn’t go back to see him. This is all my fault. I should h-have told someone he was taking so many pills. He just--he acted like everything was okay. I mean, we won the President’s Cup, Alexei. I thought it was fine, Alexei. And I fucked this up, too. Like I fucked things up with you. He’s just my best friend, and I love you so much, and I can’t stop fucking everything up. I’m such a screw up.” 

“Stop. You're going to stop now. Don’t say things like that. You're not screw up.” He held his voice even, despite the fact that his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. He never thought he would hear any of those words. Kent loved him. “We are fine. We talk about other thing later. Draft now though. I’m call your mom. Send her ticket. You not go alone. Or... I’m catch flight if you want me too.” 

“You have PR stuff, right? I mean, I saw on Twitter you were going to a children’s hospital, and that...” 

“No. I’m fly up. No argument. Management understand. Reschedule.” He bit at his cheek already making plans in his head. He had calls to make once he got off of the phone. 

“Alexei--”

“No. I’m be there in few hours. We go to draft. Then... then we talk. We have a lot to talk about I think.” 

Kent whimpered on the other end of the phone. “Okay. I’ll see you then. W-will you call me back when you're done making your calls?” 

“I’m promise.” 

He took down the hospital information and then called Georgia first. He felt guilty waking her up, but not enough to wait. “Georgia?” 

“Alexei? Is something wrong?” 

“Family emergency. Need to go to Montréal. Can cancel meetings this week? I’m promise, will make it up.” 

“Oh, sure. I can send Thirdy instead. He said he would be in town this week.” 

“Much thanks. So many thanks, Georgia. Must go. Have plane tickets to get.” 

“Oh, okay. Good luck?” 

“Gonna need it,” Alexei whispered and disconnected. 

He called Mrs. Parson next. There was no answer so he left a voicemail just asking her to call him as soon as she could. He hoped it wouldn’t be panic-inducing. 

Alexei hurried through the motions. He bought his plane tickets, on the first one-stop he could find. He stumbled into the bedroom and threw a couple days’ change of clothes into his carry-on. Then he was on his way to the airport, driving only like a Russian could through heavy traffic. He booked a room in a hotel close to the Bell Centre as he drove, with little thought to his own safety. 

Alexei drove to Boston far faster than he ever had and managed to make the flight on time (just barely). He was on the plane an hour and a half later, and in Montréal before two hours had passed. 

The ride to the hospital was excruciating. 

Kent was where he said he would be, curled up and asleep in the most uncomfortable looking couch Alexei had ever seen. 

Alexei shook him gently. “ _Котенок_.” 

Kent startled, looking owlishly at Alexei for a moment before latching on to him and hiding his face against Alexei’s chest. “You came.” Kent scrubbed at his red rimmed eyes. His face was splotchy. He still looked beautiful to Alexei.

“Of course I did, Kenyushka.” He rubbed small circles on Kent’s back. “You only have to ask ever.” 

“They wouldn’t let me see him. Bob said his heart stopped, twice. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault, Alexei.” 

“Shhh... is not. You not make him eat pills. You not make choices for him. Come, come. I got hotel room. We get you cleaned up. We go to draft tomorrow.” 

“I shouldn't go.” 

Alexei snorted. “You go first. Yes, you go. They give you jersey, and is best day. And then... then we talk later. Talk about us.” 

“There is an us? I didn’t... you like me?” 

Alexei rolled his eyes. “Always liked you. Told you I liked you. Kissed you, Kenny,” he said in a whisper. “You very hard headed.” 

“I’ve been told.” He bit his lip. “I feel like I should stay, it’s not fair. Jack should go first. But they’ll know about this. I mean. I don’t know. Maybe he still will.” 

“Seen you play. Seen both of you play. I’m know who go first, and never was Zimmermann. Come, come. Cab waiting. You need sleep. Shower. Look like shit, Kenyushka.” 

Kent let himself be lead away. “You’re very smart.” 

“Am best. Said before. Besides, one of us has to be. Leave you alone and you try to skip draft and really just glad you're okay,” he said. He put an arm around Kent’s shoulder and lead him away. “Things be okay.” 

“I don’t know. Probably not. I’m scared for Jack.”

“I’m being scared for you, Kent. Scared and mad,” Alexi sighed. They were quiet as they climbed into the cab and rode to the hotel room Kent had been staying at, where they grabbed his things before heading over to the room Alexei booked.

“Did you want to talk now?” Kent asked, looking down at his shoes. 

“After draft. We talk then,” Alexei said firmly. “Get shower. Get sleep. We worry about other things after draft.” 

Kent took a sharp breath. He gathered up his night clothes and headed into the shower. 

They didn’t talk much as Kent climbed into the bed and clung to Alexei, his skin and hair still damp.

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. June 27, 2009.

Kent looked back at the crowd and spotted Alexei, where he had left him sitting in the audience, when his name had been called. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. Vegas had contacted him before the draft, but he really had not believed that he was going to be their first pick. At best he thought maybe their second round pick, and Jack would go first. The jersey they gave him was loose and baggy, bunching around his wrists. The hat at least fit, and he pulled the bill down. The people round him chattered and clapped him on the back. 

He just wanted to get back to Alexei though. It was a relief when he finally could. 

They went to the hospital as soon as they left Bell Centre. Kent was a jittery mess as they made it to the second floor. 

Bob was in the waiting room looking pale and drawn. “Kent. I heard the draft went well.” 

Kent shivered. “It did. Is Jack awake?” 

Bob nodded. “He is. He woke a couple of hours ago.” 

“Can I see him?” 

Bob looked up at him. “I’m sorry, son. I really am. I’m so sorry. He doesn’t want to see you. We know it is not your fault, we don’t blame you. If anything it was my failing. I should have paid more attention. I should have insisted that he see a therapist. Things are just messed up right now, and he’s angry.” 

“He’s mad I found him. Isn’t he?” 

Bob pursed his lips. “He’s mad about a lot of things, Kent.” He looked behind Kent, and seemed to notice Alexei for the first time. “You’re that Mashkov kid, aren’t you?” 

“Good to meet. Sad not better circumstances,” Alexei said and offered his hand. 

Bob took it, giving him a firm shake. “I’m glad Kent has someone looking out for him.” 

“He deserves best,” Alexei said. 

“I would never disagree with that,” Bob said. 

“It’s fine,” Kent whispered. “Thanks. I guess I’ll call later. Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

“Maybe,” Bob said, but he sounded far from sure.

_/ _X_ \\_

Montréal, Quebec. June 29, 2009.

“Hi, Mom. I just wanted to say I was sorry before the way I’ve been acting,” Kent whispered over the phone, his eyes darted over to where Alexei was sprawled across the bed. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call, too.” 

“I saw the news. Kent Victor Parson. I have been so scared for you. I have been so worried. What the hell have you been doing?” She sounded more exasperated than anything. 

“Can I come home?” 

“You have always been able to come home, sweetheart. Always. Oh sweet heart. Alexei’s mother and I watched the draft. I’m proud of you, honey.” 

Kent sniffed, and wiped at his face. “I’m sorry. I should have sent you a ticket, but I thought it would be okay to go with the Zimmermann’s, and I thought everything was okay, but it wasn’t, and hasn’t been.” He took in a shuddering breath. “Mom. I have to tell you something important. I---I’m gay, and I was avoiding you and Alexei, because I just---I was scared. I was really scared of someone finding out and it ending my career before it even started. I’m so stupid.” 

“I had guessed,” she said quietly. “Anyone could see the way that you looked at Alexei. Oh, sweet heart. You’re my son, and you’ll always be my son.” 

“I love Alexei,” he choked out. “I love him so much.” 

“Then I’m happy for you,” she said gently. “Are you there alone now?” 

“No. Alexei is here, but I guess you knew he flew out. It was all over the coverage, wasn’t it? He just threw everything down and flew out to be here. He’s too good for me. I swear.” He took a breath. “I’m going to stay here a few more days, I think, and then we are coming home, to Buffalo. Do you think that you can come out to Vegas with me this summer? I think I’d rather have an apartment then to billet with someone.” 

“I’d be happy to. We can talk to your agent too. I’m sure you have a lot of papers to sign. We can talk about it when you get home.” 

“I’m really sorry, Mom.” 

“It’s fine. We will work this out. I love you, sweetheart.” 

“I love you too, mom. I’ll talk to you in a few days. When I get our flight information.” 

“Take care, Kenny,” Mrs. Parson said. “And tell Alexei to do the same.” 

“Always, mom. I love you.” He hung up the phone feeling rattled. 

“How it go?” Alexei asked, sitting up, finally. 

“I---wow---a lot better than I thought.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Las Vegas, Nevada. September 4, 2009.

Kent leaned into the laptop, and grinned as the call connected. 

Alexei grinned on the screen. “Show me apartment.” 

Kent rolled his eyes, but picked up the laptop. “It’s not much. I mean. I want to get a house, but I figure I could wait until the end of the season. Maybe you could help me pick it out,” he said shyly.

“Would like that. Maybe spend summer in Vegas? We train together?” 

Kent walked the laptop all through the apartment, and to the balcony where he had a few sad plants. “My mom picked out the furniture.” 

Alexei snorted. “No surprise.” 

Kent felt a warm ache in his chest. They were taking things slow and seeing how they went. They had talked long into the night after the draft and put all of their cards on the table. Kent felt light with it. He knew where he stood. Alexei cared about him, had always cared about him, and he had haltingly admitted the same. 

It wasn’t going to be easy. Alexei wasn’t planning on staying in the closet forever, and Kent had never even considered the alternative. He never really thought he would be able to have anything like this until he retired. 

“Apartment not bad, I guess. Need nice blankets for couch and maybe good Russian food. I have Mama send you care package.” 

“Oh my god! You told her?” 

Alexei snorted. “No. You so stupid. She guessed. Your mama and mine talk, Kenyushka.” 

“Don’t call me stupid. Ugh, you're horrible. Why do I love you?” 

“I’m best. You know this. Very best,” Alexei grinned on the screen. “You’re being very lucky to have me.” 

“Just wait until we mop the floor with you.” 

“You wish.”

“I do. Damn. I really do. Which reminds me, I mean the wish thing---I’ve always wanted a pet. I got a cat, Alexei. Do you want to meet her?” 

“Of course. Show me, Kenyushka. Now. Please.” 

Kent disappeared from the screen as he retried the biggest, fluffiest, pure white Maine coon cat. “Her name is Kit. Kit E. Parson.” 

Alexei squinted on the screen. “You know you're not Katy Perry, right?” 

“You're awful. I met her by the way, she was awesome, and the show was awesome, and there are so many things I want to show you, Alexei.” 

“So many things I want to see,” Alexei hummed. “Miss you.” 

“I miss you too.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. October, 17 2009.

Alexei stole the puck away from Kent and passed it to Marty. Thirdy scored, but it still was not enough to win the game. The Aces were tearing it up with Kent at the helm, while the Falconers were just getting it together. It seemed like they were missing some pieces. Alexei hoped that it would come together, but in his gut he knew it wouldn’t be this season. 

The Aces though. Something told him that even if they didn’t win it all they were going to go far. Kent was going to take them far. He still remembered the call when they offered Kent the position of Captain. Kent had been both ecstatic and terrified. Alexei thought it was a good move on their part. The franchise was only three years old. They had been in the same expansion as the Falconers, Schooners and Aeros. They could afford to make chances, and even Alexei could see what a draw Kent would be. 

That didn’t mean that Alexei was going to willingly give him the win easily. Quite the contrary. The Falconers fought tooth and nail, and the Aces still squeaked by with the win 6-5. It was a hard game that left Alexei bruised and battered. 

It didn’t stop him from waiting around outside the visitor’s hallway for Kent and whisking him away to his favourite Russian restaurant in Summit, Regina’s. 

“Alexei, is very good to see you,” the hostess exclaimed. “You have not came in for weeks!” 

“Season very busy. Is good to see you, Oksana. Very good. This is my friend, Kent. I’m call earlier today for reservations.” 

“Yes, yes. Come this way. We reserved the back room for you.”

Alexei grinned. “Good, good.” 

He placed his hand in the small of Kent’s back and lead him to the room. It was cozy and dimly lit. They ate borscht, pelmeni, and draniki. Kent ate like he had not eaten in weeks, but he had as much trouble keeping weight on as Alexei, so it wasn’t that surprising. 

“This is good,” Kent said. “Like really good.” 

Alexei rolled his eyes. “I’m well aware, Kent. You coming home with me?” 

“Yeah. Already cleared it. I’m not flying home until the day after tomorrow. Uh, you sure you want me here?” 

“Always want you near.” 

“Even when we kick your asses.” 

“You worst. Even then. Ugh. Horrible boyfriend.” 

Kent just sat back and flushed. “I’d like to be the best though.” 

“Well, we work at that. Very hard. Maybe you make it up to me tonight?” 

Kent’s eyes darted to the door, and back to Alexei. “You know. Um...I’ve been waiting a long time for you to say that. It’s what I want.” 

Eventually they finished, and headed to Alexei’s new apartment. Kent had been surprised that Alexei had moved out of Marty’s place, but that night he was more than grateful for it.

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. December 2, 2009.

Alexei waited until Skype connected and smiled as Kent’s face appeared on the screen. “You get the package?” 

“Yes, I got my Christmas present. I love it. Although...I wish you were here instead.” 

“Game tomorrow.” 

“I know. It’s just hard,” Kent ducked his head. “Long distance is hard. Taking it slow is hard.” 

Alexei’s brows wrinkled with worry. “You change your mind?” 

“What? Fuck. No,” Kent said emphatically. “It’s just hard. I miss you. I’ve missed you for a long time. I feel stupid, well, for a lot of things. I dunno. Jack still won’t call me back. Bob said to give it time, but I don't think any amount of time is gonna fix this, and it fucking hurts. I wish you were here.”

“Wish that too. Counting off the days. Six months is not so long, and we see each other during bye weeks, and well...the Olympics. Yes?” 

“Yeah. Of course.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Providence, Rhode Island. February 12, 2010.

Kent nestled himself against Alexei. Their blanket next was warm, and he was far from ready to leave. The nearly month long break for the Olympics stretched out before him, seeming like an eternity. They had not spent this long together in years. It was a little overwhelming. 

“Keynushka, is very early, and you’re thinking very hard,” Alexei mumbled. He tightened his grip and pressed his lips against Kent’s bare shoulder. “Got in so early. Go back to sleep.” 

“Sorry, just amazed to be here.” He flushed from scalp to toes. He had arrived a little past midnight, and Alexei had took him straight home. He had fed him some blini Mrs. Mashkova had left. Then they had made out for hours, swapping kisses and pretending to watch a movie Alexei had put in. He had not even gotten a tour of the house that Alexei had bought.

“Amazed you here too. So happy though. Happiest, Kenyushka.” 

“I know, babe. I’m glad neither of us were invited this time.” 

“Maybe next time,” Alexei said. He shifted around, fluffing his pillow. “Would like to play with you, not against.” 

“Mmmm... that would be good.” Kent closed his eyes, and wiggled down further until he could use Alexei’s shoulder as a pillow, and cling to him like a barnacle to a rock. “Very good. It might even be the best.” Kent smiled against Alexei’s warm skin. They were taking it slow, hadn’t gotten much farther than making out, and he found himself surprisingly okay with that. It was nice. No pressure, and at the same time he knew how Alexei felt about him. It wasn’t going to go away.

“So glad you came here. Was not so sure you would want to so soon.” 

Kent tilted his chin up to look at Alexei’s face. “We’ve been dating eight months. That is kinda a long time. I mean it’s not, but it is. Fuck, whatever, of course I wanted to be here.” 

“Figured that out.” Alexei threaded his fingers through Kent’s hair, massaging his scalp. The blond curls wrapped around his fingers. “Still worry about you lots.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a bother. I really don’t.” 

“Never a bother, Kenyushka. Now sleep. Please.” 

Kent huffed a little and dutifully closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought he was tired, but he drifted off soon after. 

He woke up to the smell of pancakes. He made his way to the kitchen, and found Alexei singing some Russian pop song in a horribly off-key manner. 

“What is this?” Kent wrinkled his nose. 

“Fabrika! And also pancakes. With chocolate chips. Gabby show me how to make.” Alexei smiled and added a pancake to the pile. “I’m not know how to make many things, well, not good. These usually turn out.” 

Kent took the plate when Alexei offered it, and sat down at the table across from Alexei’s seat. He took the time to look around the house. It was airy, full of light. The living room, kitchen and dining room were in an open plan. It wasn’t a giant mansion by any stretch of the mean, but it was a nice house situated on the edges of Pawtucket. 

“You like?” 

“I do,” Kent said. “It’s cozy. Pretty freaking grown up, Alexei.” 

“We need a place. You come here in summer. We train. Spend the summer floating in the pool outside.” 

“You want me to spend the summer with you? Really?” Kent worried at his lower lip. He had been hoping, but he had not been expecting. Some part of him expected Alexei to resent him for all of the trouble that he had cause, but it did not seem so.

“Want you close always. I’m not it’s not very possible during season.” Alexei shrugged. “I will take what I can get. No pressure.”

“No pressure. Right. I appreciate that.” Kent ate his pancakes slowly. “I would like that though. To spend the summer with you. I’d like it a lot.” 

Alexei gave him a pleased smile and Kent returned it.

_/ _X_ \\_

Las Vegas, Nevada. February 15, 2010.

Kent sat up straight in the bed, screaming until he came back to himself. He struggled to take in air. 

Alexei scrambled beside him. “Kent? Kenny? You okay?” 

“No,” Kent croaked. His throat was dry and his mouth gummy inside. “Not at all.” 

“Nightmare?” Alexie scooted closer until he was pressed against Kent, and started to rub slow circles along Kent’s back. 

“About Jack.” He rocked back and forth, arms holding on to himself. “Fuck he died.” Kent sucked in a deep breath. “He died in the dream. B-before the ambulance got there. Fuck. I see it sometimes when I close my eyes. He was so pale, Alexei. So pale.” He shook his head. “He still hasn’t called me back, or answered any of my texts. Bob said I should give him time, but I don’t think time is going to fix this. I miss my friend.” 

“I’m think Bob may be right. It hurts, I’m know, but give it time. Not saying to stop trying though.” 

Kent leaned against him. “Fuck. I know. It’s so hard though. He should have gone first.” 

Alexei snorted. “Second at best. You always would have gone first, baby.” 

“I think you’re a little biased,” Kent said. He hid his face against Alexei’s shoulder. 

“Am also right,” Alexei said smugly.

_/ _X_ \\_

Las Vega, Nevada. April 20, 2010.

“You okay?” Kent asked. 

“Not really,” Alexei croaked on the other end of the line. “Horrible. Not even make it to Game Six, Kenysushka. Fucking horrible.” 

“I’m sorry, Alexei. I really am. I kinda hoped we would be seeing each other in the final.”

“Was hoping that too.” Alexei got quiet on the other end. “I’m thinking I come see you.” 

“You mean the games? I can get you tickets.” 

“Might make rumors worse,” Alexei whispered. 

“Like I give a fuck what any of them think.”

“I be there then. I send you flight information.” 

“Good. Send it over. I’ll pick you up. And Alexei?” 

“Yes, Kenyushka?” 

“I love you.”

_/ _X_ \\_

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. June 14, 2010.

Alexei sat with the other family members of the Aces, surrounded by a sea of yellow and black in Mellon Arena. He had sat with them in all of the way games he had gone to (all of them, after his own team had dropped out), and he knew people had been paying attention. There was all kinds of rumours and speculation on TMZ and Deadspin. Surprisingly, Kent had took it in stride, with a causal ‘fuck them all’ when they had talked about plans and went over their options with the PR of both teams. 

They were going to play it by ear, and Alexei found he was fine with that. They could handle whatever life threw at them. They had so far. They had rolled with it. And things had ended up pretty fucking amazing. His own team may not have made it past the first round, but they had made it to the playoffs, and that was a lot more than anyone had expected of them. It was only their third year as a franchise, and they were doing amazing. 

The Aces even more so. It had been a rough series. Kent seemed to be running on fumes after each game. Alexei had taken it upon himself to take care of Kent and everything else so Kent could just concentrate on the game. He had taken to picking them up food beforehand and sometimes even cooking. He had enlisted his mother and she had overnighted them frozen meals. Kent had appreciated the borscht she had sent the most. 

It was a rough time, and to be at the end of it was a relief either way. 

The last month had been full of blood and sweat and tears. It had brought them together, and Alexei was thankful for that as well. He was thankful that he was able to sit and watch Kent pour his heart out to the game and make the winning goal. He watched the team engulf Kent, heard all of the yelling, and hoped that would be him one day. He watched the Cup be passed over to Kent. He circled, kissing the Cup, and Alexei knew that one day Kent would kiss him on the ice. One day. It wasn’t that day yet. He hugged Kent when he was pulled onto the ice, his arm settling across Kent’s shoulder in a bro hug. 

“Fuck! I can’t believe this.” 

Alexei could only roll his eyes and sigh dramatically. “Is happening. You won, Kenyushka. Nothing unbelievable about that.” 

“Yeah, but...” 

“No buts. Am very proud of you. Probably should go to team.” 

“Probably. I wish I could kiss you.” 

“Time enough at home. Go, go.” Alexei watched him do just that, slamming into Jeff Troy and hugging him tightly. It made Alexei’s heart feel too full. It was good to see Kent this happy, he hoped that he would be blessed with that sight for years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the following betas: ladymars, bitsbaby, patrickthewriter, immarcesibility, vicioushyperbolizer, and justaphage. >_> Thank you so, so much.


End file.
